Secrets to success

For some reason this was a difficult entry for me to write. I started and stopped approximately four times, and changed the direction about thrice (I like the word thrice). Why the difficulty? Well the question of success: “What is it? And when does it begin?” is not any easy question to answer. I will tell you why, but let me start at the beginning.

It all started with the confirmation hearing for Supreme Court nominee Sonya Sotomayor. Upon hearing her bio, repeatedly, and her laundry list of accomplishments, from childhood through the present; I started to think upon my own successes and failures and what caused them to be. I grew up in a good neighborhood in a home with both of my parents, where I was loved unconditionally and encouraged to obtain a better life. I went on to achieve a graduate degree, and work in my profession. Although I may have wanted much, I never needed for anything, yet, what I considered success eluded me. Everyone is striving for some form of success, whether it is by career, relationship, or spiritual; nonetheless, until we have achieved our desired goal we see ourselves as a failure.

The Disney name is known throughout the world for its animation and memorable characters, but before Mr. Walt Disney was a household name, the beloved cartoonist saw two businesses fail. Prior to becoming a world renowned pediatric neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins Hospital, Dr. Ben Carson was raised by a mother who dropped out of school in the third grade; had the distinction of being at the bottom of his fifth grade class; was called “dummy,” and had a violent temper. There are many stories like Dr. Carson’s and Walt Disney’s that we know about and others that we will never know. I mention these two men because situations like theirs have caused many to turn to a life of crime or commit suicide; yet, they were able to make lemonade out of lemons. Too many of us become victims to our setbacks and our weaknesses and use the wrong ruler to measure our achievements.

I am at an age and a place in life spiritually where I no longer lie to myself about my strengths and my weaknesses. Areas where others move freely, I stumble and come up short. Don’t feel sorry for me…I believe everyone has these areas, and until they can admit it to themselves they will always fall short. Because I can admit my weaknesses I strive to avoid the stumbling blocks in my life by focusing on the things above, which is Christ Jesus, and not the things below.
Webster’s Dictionary defines success as: “the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence,” but my definition is different. I believe success is overcoming the obstacles in your life no matter how big or small. After all, the race is not given to the swift or the battle to the strong but only to those that endure until the end.

For better or for worse

I, (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. What you have just read is a portion of the traditional wedding vows. Many know of these vows and some have even taken them, however it seems that lately very few couples follow them. Don’t get me wrong, better, richer, and healthy are easy to do. It’s when worse, poor, and sickness enter the picture that people begin to question: “Was it all worth it?”- especially when television stations broadcast the ups and downs of someone’s marriage every Sunday night at 8 p.m. eastern standard time.

Jon and Kate Gosselin of TLC’s hit reality show Jon & Kate plus 8 have announced their decision to divorce after ten years of marriage. The Gosselins are the latest victims of the same snare that ruined the marriage of MTV’s Newlyweds Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, and destroyed the love of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston stars of Bravo’s Being Bobby Brown. (Okay, in my opinion the last one was destined for divorce court with or without Bravo, but you see where I am going with this.) Marriages today have been reduced to nothing more than a gimmick to grab ratings or to make political statements. Many celebrities in Hollywood say they will not get married until everyone is legally able to get married, but why make such a sacrifice? Could it be that it is nothing more than a superficial sacrifice for an institution many in Hollywood do not respect?

South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford’s comment to the associated press showed that it is not only Hollywood that has a lack of respect for marriage. Governor Sanford said to AP that his mistress is his soul mate but he is trying to fall back in love with his wife. Ouch! With every confession of philandering by a president, governor, senator, or congressman I look pass the microphones and wonder what is she thinking? You know who she is - she is the mother of his children; she is the one with whom he struggled to make ends meet, and she made them meet. She is also the one when no one believed in him she was his biggest fan, and she is the one who stands behind him supportively with her face set like a flint as he apologizes to “the people” for his “indiscretions.”

In an apparent murder/suicide former Baltimore Ravens quarterback, Steve McNair, was killed over the July fourth weekend, leaving behind a wife and four children. The accused killer is believed to be his 20-year-old girlfriend Saleh Kazemi. Social web sites are littered with condolences and unbelief, but among the postings of “rest in peace” are sentiments of fore warning for all those that wander away from their vows of matrimony. It is no secret that what is done in secret will come to light, whether in life or in death.

Marriage is more than an excuse to have a celebration, it is more than something to do because you have reached a certain age, and it is definitely more than something to do to feel complete. Marriage is HOLY. The two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.

More than meets the eye

During this time of political milestones and unrest, Facebook and Twitter have emerged to be major outlets for breaking news and not just a place to post vacation pictures and tweet about what one had for lunch. With the introduction of Myspace in 2003, the use of social networking sites have become a national past time. Many people spend hours “friending” old buddies, posting their latest antics of the day, and voyeuristically looking at friends pictures; but in the midst of the 2008 presidential election Facebook morphed into more than a way to hook up with an old flame. Then presidential candidate Barack Obama utilized Facebook in such a way that it motivated a neglected generation and caused the Grand Old Party to regroup. While many political candidates ignore the American youth and shun the things they love; President Obama skillfully embraced social networking and spoke to them in their language, through their medium, and like a Pide Pipper lead the youth to the polls. But nothing is really legit until the queen of talk, Oprah Winfrey, endorses it. On March 13, 2009 Winfrey did just that and joined the Facebook phenomenon.

Similarly, the aftermath of Iran’s election has transformed Twitter from the red-headed step child of social networks to a major voice for the Iranian people. Authorities have cracked down on text messaging, Facebook, and Youtube but under-estimated the power of Twitter. Not since the gossip rag The Enquirer was the first to break the story of John Edwards’ extramarital affair in 2007, has a media outlet risen from mediocrity to such journalistic legitimacy, if but for a moment. Twitter has become the lifeline for Iranians to instantly share with the outside world the horrors they face as they fight for justice and a vital means of communication between protestors.

The senseless death of Neda Agha-Soltan , an Iranian woman allegedly killed by the Basij militia, was captured on video by fellow-bystanders and posted on Youtube and Facebook. The name of Agha-Soltan quickly became “a symbol of pro-democracy” for protestors and the “voice of Iran” - all in real time.

The power Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites have on how we receive and view world events is undeniable. I predict, in the not so distant future, more people will turn to these sites for the latest in news, and turn off the news at eleven. By the way, Oprah joined Twitter in April, 2009.

All things to all people

Two big stories recently focused on President Obama’s trip to Cairo and Susan Boyle’s lose to the dance crew Diversity on Britain’s Got Talent. While you may think the only connection these two stories share is there timing, I beg to differ.

President Obama’s charisma has been evident since his unforgettable speech at the 2004 Democratic Convention. His confident tone and his way with words, makes every phrase he utters a jewel the listener wants to possess. His ability to interact with people of all ages, color, and creed seems both genuine and sincere, and he is beloved by many around the world. Enter Susan Boyle, a plain looking woman from Scotland who stood before the people in a talent contest in England. She was pegged as a joke even before she made it to the microphone. I am sure, like the famous crowd at the Apollo theatre, many had their “boos” already poised on their lips. However to the astonishment of everyone, including the judges, Boyle belted out a version of “I Dreamed a Dream” that made the world take notice; this attention eventually drove Boyle to a mental facility. Still don’t see the connection? Let me help you, you can’t be all things to all people. There is an old saying “If everyone likes you you’re doing something wrong.” Okay it may not be a universal old saying but it is my old saying.

I am weary of a person that tries to be all things to all people. During Obama's campaign bid for the presidency he often downplayed his Muslim background and shied away from having his middle name “Hussein” used. Now we are fully aware that the Republican Party tried to use his Muslim background and name to inject fear into the American people. With the horrific day of 9/11 still fresh in the minds of many; Obama’s middle name was an easy target, a cheap one but an easy one. However in President Obama’s recent trip to Cairo he comfortably talked about his Muslim background and even brought up his one- time controversial middle name. I ask you, is he embracing his roots or exploiting them to “make friends"?

After Susan Boyle made YouTube history, her looks and her background became public interest and public scrutiny. Everyone seemed to love her and want a piece of her; even Oprah wanted the armature singer to grace her studios. The attention began to change Boyle, she got a makeover and changed the way she dressed. But what goes up must come down. The pressure to once again be great for the people took a toll on Boyle and brought her to the brink of insanity with camera’s and news crews documenting every moment.

Both President Obama and Susan Boyle are and were expected to be exactly what the people wanted, but people are never satisfied. There comes a time when the people want more than a person can give and when that takes place the people are none too happy. For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulcher; they flatter with their tongue. I don’t expect President Obama to buckle under the pressure as Boyle did, the qualifications to be the President of the United States are much higher than that of the person chosen in England’s Got Talent; however the desire to be liked by many is the same in all man (and woman to.)

Mirror mirror on the wall.

As I look around at the sea of people walking, moving, being, and just plannning to live their lives; many questions run through my head. I wonder what their life is like. Do they know the Lord? What are their dreams and visions? If they’re an adult, what were they like as a child? If they are a child, what do they want to be when they grow up? Will they grow up? Then I begin to think, do they see themselves like I see them? Does a skinny person think they are fat? Does a short person think they are tall? Like I said, many questions run through my mind.

I believe a person does not know who they truly are until they are put into a tight position. We would all like to think we would be brave in the face of danger or kind in the time of need, but what do we look like in the face of the recession? Fathers are killing their entire families because they received a pink slip, or are taking their own lives because they are reduced to one car instead of two. On April 21st 59-year-old William Parente traveled from New York to Maryland, and in a selfish act of financial despair murdered his wife and two daughters and then himself. The man Mr. Parente thought he was, prior to receiving a pink slip, was not the same man that entered The Sheraton Baltimore North on that fateful day. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

People like Mr. Parente at one time believed that they were loving, strong, intelligent, and morally good. They spent quality time with their children, never cheated on their wives, and turned their noses up at those that committed crimes. However, in the time of trouble the mirror revealed that these men were not who they thought they were.

For the thousands of directors, managers, supervisors, and executives out of work; does the mirror reveal a pride that hinders them from accepting such titles as assistant or coordinator? Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. As a society we judge people according to the houses they live in, the cars they drive, and the people they know, but as this recession marches on many are coming face to face with themselves. Strong men are becoming weak, intelligence is giving way to madness, and loving parents are becoming murderers. Mirror mirror on the wall.

CNN.com May 19- Despondent dads driven to kill loved ones

Let's talk about sex baby.

On an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show (April, 16, 2009) two teenagers professed their love for each other and their desire to have sex at the mature age of fourteen. The young teens were congratulated for taking their request to their parents and seeking assistance on their endeavor. One parent was so proud of her son she even took him to get the condoms. Have we as a society become so progressive that as parents we take down instead of taking a stand, all to be cool. Children should be able to speak to their parents about sex and parents should talk to their children about sex, but let us please get past the feeling of sex and start talking about the consequences attached to the act of love-making. Some consequences are too difficult for adults to handle - let alone children. Yes, sex feels good, yes it is special when it is done with one’s spouse (yes I unapologetically prescribe to sex only in marriage), but what about the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy, STDs, and the ever- popular dumping after sex? According to an O, The Oprah Magazine and Seventeen magazine sex survey, 46 percent of 15- to 18-year-old girls who have had intercourse claim their mothers don't know, 78 percent of girls who have had intercourse did not use condoms, and 56 percent say they used no birth control at all. How to use a condom or what birth control to use should not be the only part of the sex talk. Value has been taken out of the act because it has been taken out of the conversation.

Sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman posed some excellent questions to the love struck teens, their answers revealed that not only are they not ready for sex but that the worth of sex has been diminished. Shows like Gossip Girl and Beverly Hills 90210 (the latest version) have been blamed for corrupting the morals of today’s youth, but shows like Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives are corrupting how adults view love and sex. On the Oprah Winfrey Show sentiments such as "they are teenagers they are going to have sex”, "abstinence does not work", and “if they love each other what is the problem” were used throughout the dialogue like a white flag in a battle. When did we give up? When did it become wrong to show displeasure for the decisions our children make? Or to even say “NO” to something they want to do, and I have a better question… where was this belief when I was a teenager? But I digress. Many teenagers make decisions according to fluctuating hormones, the popular crowd, and whatever the latest teen magazine says; sixteen-year-old Miley Cyrus is “dating” a twenty-year-old man and many think it is cute. As parents we cannot take down because of our emotions, the popular talk show, and whatever the latest style magazine says.

When asked how long they plan to stay together after having sex their answer showed that at fourteen this young girl was experiencing what many women go through at any age. Both teens said a long time, but the young lady’s idea of a long time was “a long time” the young man’s idea of a long time was “6 months to a year.” Ouch! At the end of the show the young lady proclaimed that she will hold off on having sex with her boyfriend, the entire audience gave her a standing ovation. Call me cynical, but without a spiritual understanding about the true worth of sex beyond the physical, I see hormones, the popular crowd, and the latest teen magazine winning in the end.

No News is Good News

AIG, Bernie Madoff, stimulus packages, and layoffs, I dare you to turn on your television, radio, or internet and find a program that is not talking about one of these topics. They are either trying to provoke a sense of injustice, needle the fear of destituiton, or educate the masses on how to feed a family on one dollar a day. The latest story to hit mass media has informed the public that the economy is turning around because recent numbers show an increase in home sales, I say "it is going to be what it is going to be" enough is enough.

In times like these people point fingers, sharpen pitch forks, and look for sacrificial lambs, The Daily Show's, Jon Stewart, found such a lamb in CNBC's Mad Money Jim Cramer. Stewart and Cramer verbally duked it out about who knew what and when, and who should take responsibility. Who’s next? Should Suze Orman watch her back? Will CNBC’s financial expert Maria Bartiromo have to go into protection? Who is next? Many media entities push our emotional buttons to tell us how we are to feel about a person or a situation. For all those that followed Cramer blindly and loved him when their pockets were fat, and for those that bragged about Madoff and haphazardly forked over millions I say “it takes two to tango.” No I am not blaming the victim, but too many are destroyed due to a lack of knowledge. A lot of people refuse to do their homework and follow the richest person in front of them; it goes to that ever transcending parental question “If everyone was jumping of a bridge would you follow?” Don’t get me wrong I am all for investing, saving, and building equity, but I believe we should all be experts not just one person.

I stand in the village square beseeching you to put down the torches, release the lamb, and don’t allow a black box to control your emotions.